Sitting in an airport at 5am is always a surreal experience.  London Heathrow is just waking up for the day, and each face marching in has that ‘up at bas&$@d o’clock expression’, like we all need our cheeks and eye bags ironing….or photoshopping.

Now those that know me are now going to be saying ‘here we go’….Because in my previous existence, when I had a moderately successful career, I used to live in airports.  The chauffeured car would pick me, whisk me to the airport in whichever country I was (sometimes I forgot!), drop me at the ‘Fast Track’ entry, through to the lounge with much fawning and doffing of caps from numerous sub-species; compared to a business traveller armed with a corporate American Express card and gold/platinum/black frequent flyer card, all other things that breathe are sub-species.  In the lounge, young ladies and effeminate young men would massage your toes and produce bacon butties (crusts off), you would open your laptop/raspberry/satellite guidance system and pretend to do important email, before being tapped on the shoulder to make your way to the gate.  Board the aircraft, and turn left, demand whisky/champagne/coffee (dependant on time of day, and not necessarily what you would think), peruse the movies available, put your pyjamas on, and settle back.

This morning, I dragged my sorry backside out of bed at 3.20am, drove myself to Heathrow, was made to fill out forms to hand my car over, providing information I had already provided when I booked yesterday, and I’m now sitting in a coffee bar (£6.00!…..And I will be turning right when I board, and carry on walking until I hit the back!) thinking whether I miss the old life.

Do I &%%**&$%^&%$£$…..Errr No.

I’m off to Amsterdam for a 24 hour recce of four locations ready for a commercial shoot for a new client next week, when Hannah and I will drive over.  I’m happy and excited, and at this moment if the most gorgeous sub species ever (male or female) offered to tickle my toes and pass me animal sandwiches with garnish, I would say ‘No’.

We’re fourteen months in now to robertdann PHOTOGRAPHY, and just at this moment, things are feeling good.  Two other great commercial jobs are currently being bid for, a great lifestyle shoot and viewing over the past 10 days, and another great one planned for this Sunday with two beautiful children, and their Mum who I just love photographing.

And the wallpaper is up.  Now, as Hannah will attest the wallpaper did go up on the scenery flats in the studio with some verbal banter unbefitting a man of my age, but up it did go….And as of 5.30pm yesterday, it hadn’t started peeling off yet.  As a result the ‘Art of Seduction’ set is almost ready to seduce.

The other new arrival or resurgence in the studio this week has been fruit, or sports candy as Sportacus would call it ( a prize to whoever emails me with the names of his friends)….An alien food category for some time, but fruitage is making a comeback and has ousted donuts and pastries.  Eating four oranges and an apple in quick succession seems to be more beneficial that eating four donuts in quick succession….Following research it would appear that the fruit stuff is better for you, lesson learnt……Think I’ll go back to the counter and get another croissant…..

Last Sunday was spent in the company of a wonderful family, as we reviewed the results from their Lifestyle Shoot in early September.  We got a wonderful set of images of them as a family, and I think, or hope that George and Issy realise that I could have continued photographing them all day long.

This Sunday is another Lifestyle shoot with another lovely family in Wiltshire, where if the weather holds out I think we’ll go all grungy and edgy in an industrial estate for part of the shoot.

Finally, yes underwear….Taking unrequited corsettry (is that a word?) back to shops when you’re missing knickers (not me, the unrequited underwear) is a task for any man to stand up straight and be counted..I was told to return with the briefs, accurately described to help me hunt them down by a curious shop assistant.  The underwear was purchased, but not ultimately used for a shoot we did at the Park Resort in Wick, near Bath.  My thanks to Louise and her team for letting us in, and my thanks to the shoot team, Colin, Becky, Chloe, and to Lianne and Hannah, for making me go back to the shop!

Two for the price of one, but both very expensive...The corsets...

George and Issy enjoy a private joke, probably at my expense

September was a whirlwind of shoots and planning for more shoots.  The final Little Miss Muffet images had to be put on hold based purely on priorities, as we went through a number of studio shoots, lifestyle shoots and a further trip up to Fleetwood to complete the photography of the soon to be world famous crooner Howard Wing.

A lot of planning and shoots were focussed on building towards ‘The Art of Seduction’, which is the robertdann PHOTOGRAPHY take on boudoir photography, due for launch early 2009, and we WILL post more details as the approach and business gets finalised.

The last few weeks has seen me meet with future wedding clients, and discuss shooting them in a boxing ring together (we keep saying we don’t do ‘ordinary’ weddings!). I was shocked that the garage I recalled my Uncle Jeff working in when I was a child, is now an elaborate shed…Sorry, Jeff, workshop.  We’ve done a wonderful fine art nude seminar with Trevor and Faye Yerbury.  We got Howard jumping off a derelict bandstand, and looking all moody at 2am at a bar, and we tried to book part of a marina for a wedding shoot; and the next weeks show no sign of normality…Whatever defines normality.

Finally,  I had a couple of weeks of artistic madness playing the tortured artist, before all that know me finally beat some sense into my dense skull….Can’t wait to do it again next year…Yes, its a yearly thing, probably.

So, November will see the studio being partially redesigned, whether I like it or not.  We will be on a commercial shoot in the Netherlands, and hopefully in Ecuador on a further commercial shoot, and getting some great travel images to boot.  There will be more lingerie ( the studio seems to be permanently strewn with bras and knickers), more client meetings, commercial recces, some industrial photography, and a lot of designing - albums, websites, promotional materials and advertising - and some carpentry for good measure.

The next week will see the Little Miss Muffet images uploaded, two further entries in the Blog on shoots, and some further news on ‘The Art of Seduction’….Well, thats the plan, but you know it may be December!

I'm sure this was a garage when I was 10!

http://www.swindon1055.com/listen/

Well, Hannah seemed quite taken!

Well, ’tis 3.13am, and I can’t sleep.  Five and a half hours of M5 and M6 on the way up to Blackpool, and 3 hours back down in the wee smalls, all for what….Well, there’s this bloke called Howard….And had I have already known that Howard’s wife Sam was so beautiful, we would have hurried up the M6 a little more.

Tonight, hold on, sorry.  Last night, Howard sang his own special brand of crooning at the Blackpool Tower Ballroom, and Hannah and I were there to record the event.  Now, Howard is a bit like that Michael Bubble bloke, but from what I saw there’s also more than a bit of the genuine smooth ‘rat pack’ about him.  A good looking guy in his black suit and waistcoat, and we’ll forgive the crocodile skinesque pointy shoes, he delivers ‘Fly me to the moon’ and ‘Mr Bojangles’ with a twinkle in his eye (primarily reserved for anything vaguely female from 18 to 80, sorry Sam!), and a smoothness that you could polish velvet with….Yes, I am a fan!

Waiting in the wings like a 4 year old at 5.30am on December 25th

To be asked by Howard to photograph his performance turned out to be a special night, call me mercenary but I don’t mind being associated with people on the up, and tonight’s shoot together with a further staged photoshoot in September is for a big publicity push that Howard’s starting, including new website, agents, stardom, etc, etc.  And the fact that the guy would never consider lowering himself to ‘X Factor’ level for the sake of 30 minutes of stardom impresses me even more.

When I go into a shoot, there’s a rush of adrenalin, excitement, apprehension, and pure joy to be doing what I have so long wished for.  However, when you see someone, peeking through the stage right curtains, hopping from one foot to the next, doing the soft shoe shuffle and getting totally lost in the moment before he is called on stage, then you realise you’re not alone in having a passion for doing something you love and trying to do it well.

Howard was sharing the stage with Maxine Barrie, who sings as ‘Shirley Bassey’, and won ‘Stars in their Eyes’ in 1990 or so….She was pretty good too, she did the Bassey lip quiver thing very well…But really how can you resist the sheer fondue (a blend of very smooth cheese!) of this…

If you’re interested, then Howard’s current site is www.howardswing.co.uk,  and bear in mind that you should return in a couple of months to watch it change….And Howard has been known to sing at the odd big wedding too, celebs, film stars etc etc.

So, this week, we’ve shot Little Miss Muffett, a heavily pregnant avicularia amazonica, a pair of Jimmy Choos, and a guy who can sing a bit…And we have to go the beautiful Florence and Beatrice and their Mummy and Daddy, and then the lovely Kayleigh…..See, why I’m happy! Enjoy the Bank Holiday, stay off the motorways!….R

How can you not love a guy that does this, on his way OFF stage!

Chloé, Helen and Emily start to 'mess up' Ana

Well, the weather was kind and the team worked brilliantly…. ‘Mother C’ cremated a shed load of sausages, The Photographer (capitals…My Gig) only upset ‘Make Up’ twice, Andrew Tarantino thought he was shooting the new ‘Blair Witch’, some cool bloke in a beanie turned up because of a ‘flat tyre’ (and was promptly marched off into the woods by the sausage killer whilst her Husband played rounders), Hannah gassed half of Wiltshire and redefined ‘petulance and patience’, and the hair duo of HelEm said ‘I wish our Boss could see this’….And oh yes, Ana was a star, looked fantastic and ate spoonful after spoonful of ‘curds and whey’.

The three images are in the can….Just lacking a spider…

Sometimes Make Up Artistes need a good talking to.

What we have visually at the moment is very close to what I originally imagined.  We got the atmosphere right, these are woods that you really shouldn’t wander about in.  The fact that when the first smoke grenade went off, well, let’s just say Hannah legged it 20 yards away holding it like an Olympic Torch going through a protest rally, and the smoke the bloody thing created still meant we couldn’t see each other for 5 minutes.

The day started with a mad expedition for DV Tapes as our Professional Cameraman had four hours previously arrived at Gatwick disease ridden, and so Andrew filled in with not the same level of ‘pull focus’ expertise, but a brilliant line in questioning what the hell we were doing, and filming everything as though he was a ‘rock n’ roll’ Rambo…My thanks to him for filling in.

Then Emily and Helen were late at Chloé’s to start on Ana’s hair, because some idiot had given them the wrong timings (eerr…), but there are no more tales of woe and debacle.  The whole shoot went perfectly as to plan, and was wrapped within 90 minutes…Any longer and Hannah may have started a 40 Marlboro a day habit.

Underway, and the Photographer does his 'Special French Impression'

Next stage….Ray and his Arachnids are in the studio tomorrow night, and then we start on post production, and beyond that, Hannah already started today on hiring police uniforms, a fat suit and a pair of 18 hole Doc Martens.

My sincere thanks to the whole team, and to Ana…Who normally looks like a ‘butter wouldn’t melt’ young sweetheart, but who it was noticed seemed to get more and more into it as the day progressed, and seemed quite happy to pay the ‘Slaphead Photographer’ (Capitals…My Gig) a woeful lack of respect.

Part Three, within a week….

After much planning the first ‘Nursery Rhyme’ is about to come to life on Sunday.  The concept is to capture the nursery rhyme in three images, as a triptych, the middle image summing up the overall narrative.  The twist is (hopefully!) in the way in which the nursery rhyme is interpreted.

Example, ‘Ring a Ring a Roses’, was originally a rhyme about the bubonic plague and all the bodies piling up in the street….Very cheery.  Most nursery rhymes are grounded in historical fact, or at least legend, and what we are going to do is take that history, play with the meaning of the rhyme, add a sometimes contemporary feel, and in some instances be downright wicked and satirical about it.  The fact that Humpty Dumpty was probably never an actual person but a large war cannon has no bearing on how I have visualised the images…To me Humpty Dumpty is a very fat obnoxious skinhead, sat on a wall, high as a kite on acid and coke, and drunk on Jack Daniels and Carlsberg Special Brew…THAT is why he’s gonna fall off the wall!

There are six nursery rhymes in different stages of pre production currently, and given all the planning and thought from lots of people I only hope my own photographic talent is going to be up to it! ‘Baa Baa Black Sheep’ is just starting to be planned, ‘Humpty Dumpty’ and ‘Jack and Jill’ have been storyboarded and are more prepped, and ‘Mary Mary Quite Contrary’ and ‘Georgie Porgie’ are just on the drawing board.

The first ‘Nursery Rhyme Shoot’

Little Miss Muffett is first up. Originally a real live little girl from the late 1500s, whose Father was purportedly a celebrated entomologist, we are going to shoot this one pretty much straight, although the spider ( a Chilean Rose Tarantula) is going to made a little bit bigger!  Playing the role of Miss Muffett - and to make this work the role will need to be played, hammed up if you like - is a young lady called Ana, who I’m lucky enough to know as she is the eldest daughter of some very dear friends, and I first photographed her (and got a lot of ‘lip’ and abuse from her for my trouble) when she was 7.  Ana is not going to wind up looking like a ‘butter wouldn’t melt’ cute golden ringlets little girl…A)..That’s not Ana, and B) That is not going to be this Miss Muffett…I think we’ll go for something a little more gothic and grungy than that.

The assistance of Colin’s team at First Class Hair Design in Devizes, is always welcomed;  the stylists working with us on this shoot being Helen and Emily.  And whilst I’m thanking those that have planned with me, as always I should thank Chloé for her advice and make up expertise….Enough obsequiousness for now, we’ll thank more people as the shoot gets underway….Please hold off on the rain!!

So, a brief introduction, I’m Hannah, and having spent some time in front of Robert’s camera in the past I’ve now wound up as part of the robertdann PHOTOGRAPHY team assisting Robert on shoots, shows and exhibitions, and trying desperately hard to keep his admin at bay!

Sunday 3rd of August was my first Wedding Fayre, only 20 miles away at the Corn Exchange in Devizes, but I wasn’t totally enamoured when Robert got me up so early on a Sunday morning but it was worth it in the end. Robert was his usual pedantic self and moved everything round at least twice but when people started admiring his photos he soon perked up….He is so easy to please.

Approaching people is not something I would say I am gifted at so add to that the fact that there were some large (very!) exhibition framed prints of me on show, it felt almost intimidating. Once the fayre got going, and we were talking to couples about their wedding plans, it all started to make sense and I got the hang of it. What’s so special about this business is the people, it was so interesting to hear everybody’s stories of how they met and what they envisioned for their “big day”, and watching Robert talking to couples brought it home how hell bent he is on making everyone feel different, special…Although, come to think of it, now he seems to treat me more like a lackey than special!

Unfortunately, I missed out on watching the fashion show, but next time maybe Robert will let me go and watch it!

This Thursday I’m in London to finalise wardrobe, because this weekend is the first nursery rhyme shoot, ‘Little Miss Muffett’, can’t wait.. Pressure, fetching and carrying, film crew, radio, and Mr Dann getting all creative…He’s nice, honestly. I’ll write again, if he lets me. Hannah x

We planned Egypt, going at the end of November hopefully, 8 nights, AJ will guard the camera gear by gurning at anyone vaguely dodgy in Cairo.  We revisited the ideas of hiring Blahniks, selling designer kids wear new and second hand, and broke into the Rigby family homestead from 1857 (more prizes if you get close).

Then, very much looking forward to a Saturday morning family shoot in Kensington, London, on Thursday evening I hurt my foot chasing Ryden Noah (our 3 year old Terminator) up the stairs!  Climbing, bad weather, drinking, poker = Injury count Zero….Stairs, home, small shouty boy = broken foot….This is what life is all about…..Sometimes I can just see all the way down into the void.

Lots of encouraging comments about the site, thank you all…A few more comments about the fantastic photography wouldn’t bloody go amiss, but there you go, can’t have everything….Take Care All….R

Then the radio show…The show was aired live on Friday lunchtime, but we were so busy finalising the site that we were loathe to publicise yet….So, when we did send out the launch email, we referred to the repeat of the show scheduled for Saturday 8am….Come Saturday am Swindon 105.5 actually repeated the previous week’s show!  We await tomorrow!

Eventually, though the site was live, and the feedback and site traffic has been fantastic.  We have some teething issues, like getting the wall right, but all in all it’s come together well.

On the Thursday evening I spent a couple of hours with a very learned guy called Ray, talking arachnnids, and I got introduced to some large Tarantulas that looked friendly, and some that looked really scary…You can tell when the expert says they can ‘be a bit aggressive’.  The spider(s) will be coming into the studio later in the month for part of the Little Miss Muffett shoot, the main shoot being all set for Sunday 17th.

Finally, for the moment, this week has been spent in Snowdonia climbing, so little work has been done, and the Blog Software is now sorted (thanks David), so we can get on with better updates.  A great wedding fayre last Sunday in Devizes, I’ll let Hannah intro herself and tell you about the day.